Sunday, July 22, 2007

its been a little over a week

been a bit over a week now since mom passed away, seems like my life has gone from a normal fun filled life down to struggling to make it thru each day, i wonder sometimes if we will even survive.

my hubby is lost, i know how much his mom meant to him so am trying to over look alot of things he says, he is now talking about retiring once again knowing well good we can't afford for that to happen. i am scared to death that he is going to come home one night and say well i did it i put my 2 weeks notice in, or worse yet, he will come home and say i quit and am not going back.

i wonder if the kid who hit me even has any inclining about what he has caused for my life to be, dependant on others and needing medication that is so expensive that we can not afford to get it any other way besides hubby still working.

been trying to crochet but just don;t have my heart in it, was suppose to have 3 lephants done and i can't bring myself to finisih these as crocheting was one my moms favorite things that i did for her, she could sit and watch me for hours. , and i can see her smiling serene face asking me what i was making and who was going to get this or that., was it for sale and her always trying to buy my projects from me when i would have given them to her in a heart beat, omgosh i miss that lady something fierce. we didn't have a typical mil/dil relationship
she said to me early on i was not a daughter in law, i was a daughter and she treatedme as such every day of the time we were together

mom know how much i love you sweetheart, am doing my best to guide the others forward. go bless and keep dong my best, stand beside me dear momma, i am doimg mf best to carry on for you,darling loving mom, forever in my heart

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