Friday, April 18, 2008

life is a bitch sometimes

ya know how sometimes ya feel like just throwing in the towel, like giving all your crap away and ride off into the sunset? thats about how i feel right now. we have had one bad thing after another happen to us and i can't take any more. 2 days ago hubby and i were sitting down to dinner, talking , laughing , enjoying a rare moment when we are not fighting. when we heard this god awful roar and then crash, my first thought was oh no please god not the car. we have a old car we are restoring and was almost done with it. getting it ready to sell so maybe could pay bills off and then retire if i could find any decent medical that would pay for my medicine. well all hell broke loose cause you got it was the car, not only the car was what happened to the car which killed me. the whole damn rafters fell on top of the car . we keep our christmas stuff up there ect. alot of smaller things and this has been this way for over 25 years. well called the ins company , bad news car is NOT insured , and you know why its not? cause i am to stupid to think they might not cover it since is up on jackstands and is not operable, but that don;'t matter no sir , uh uh , but it would have been if i had put comprension on it for 30 frigging dollars for 6 months, i am heart sick i feel like i have had my heart ripped out and stomped all over it.
how do i tell my husband who loved that car for all he is worth that it would have been fixed for 30 f**king dollars.. how please tell me how i do that. he at first went physco and blamed me for all the crap up there , but then realized what he was doing and apologized. i am sick, just sick, he said will cost around 10K to fix damage to the roof the hood and god knows what else. all told though it stood up pretty damn good, shows ya that cars in america USE to be made of strong steel, not the shit they have now. now waiting on the adjuster to call to tell me if the structure is covered. is going to cost plenty to fix this too, going to have to rip out sheet rock. buy lumbar, hell i might as well walk away for all the crap we have to do. i am so sick to my stomach i want to throw up. im leaving it up to god, life right now is more than i can bear.

therapy is kicking my butt and only making things worse so will have to wait and see only been once so will see. sig my pt is awesome but she will have to let me go at my own pace and she said she will of course. that my friend is a good therapist. doing the stretches she wants me to do kill me and i hurt so bad afterwards but she said i need to do them to losen up my back and butt. is there ever a end to bad luck? can i ever look forward to having one little single day of happiness without pain and suffering and stress, is that to much to ask of anyone, why does this keep happening, why is life so unkind. what did i do to deserve this, i must be a bad person is all i can think of. someone somewhere has my name on a bullseye and is throwing poison darts at me. i guess maybe if i sell most of my possesions i can raise enough money to pay to have the car fixed. hubby said probably 10K worth of damage . i figure if i sell my stamp collection daddy gave me maybe will raise half that maybe will see thanks for listening to me rant away i am so out of it am not sure if i am even of i will make it to the next day let alone hour. got to stop it just has to thanks for bein here for me, without ya all not sure if i could go on. love ya all

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