Friday, September 5, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
prayers needed badly
















i called my baby sister today as i had not heard from her recently and have been extremely worried about her, well she didn;t answer the phone but after about 10 min i got a call back but was not nance was my sister jeannete jeannie for short, she had abbers over at her house and said that nance was sleeping, i asked her with terror in my heart if everything was alright, i knew when she said it it wasn't. she recently had a mri thanks to her stupid ins company, according to them she is allowed 1 yes one mri a year, well her doc said no way that wasn't going to happen she needs treatment now not 7 months fro+m now he then told the ins co that if they didn't allow it he was going to recommend my sister to go to the er room where they would do a complete work up including mri ct scan and various other things , they quickly agreed morons, well today her own DOC not the nurse called and there is bad bad bad news. first thing he said she has blood in her skull but the good news was it was dried up, so hopefully whatever trauma that caused did not do more damage please god , then he dropped the bombshell, he said that some of her lymph nodes are suspicious, i don;t know what he means by them , but he did say he DIDN'T think they were benign , which brings me to the concluioun that maybe they are cancerous, lord i give it to you, thy will be done, i pray lord that nance is not suffering and that you will heal her of these horriblw things she has happening to her. lord give her strength , i ask this in your precious name in the name of the father the son and the holy spirit amen i love you nance sooooooooo much please be strong i'm here for you
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
something i just finished sad to say is to small for me :(
i made this shrug usding vanna whites new yarn was the purple tweed effect and i ran out so got the darker as a border , one weee little problem though im to fat. i look like shamoo the killer whale
so was showing my friend heather from the ville andf she said she loved itso i asked her if she wanted it and she said yes can't wait to get it so wooohoo has a homejustgot to pack it up and send to her tomorrow or whenever i get to the po back to the drawing board for me by the way was not my pattern i found it in the book 100 crochet projects. just wanted to share with ya all thanks for looking and reading my boring blog some day will have exciting news like i won the lotto or something yea right like THAT is going to happen
NOT!!!! hugs to ya all love ya bunches
Monday, June 16, 2008
why why why why why why why why why why why why
o.k remember how i posted a bit back about my nausea medicine. well now i have another problem, seems that now nurse ratchet is worried about my health from me taking a stupid antihistamine. he wrote 1 or 2 as needed 4 times a day i need 2 4 x's a day he only wrote for 1 4x's a day so am almost out and half way thru the meds. only problem is he told me right on the bottle take 1 OR 2 for nausea 4 times a day. i hate my life i want the world to stop so i can climb off and go hibernate for the next 100 years. maybe then it will be better heck if i know but in the mean time here i am stuck in the middle with all of you whining and crying to you to use the meds im so sorry i don;t mean to be like this i have only you guys to talk to who will understand i love you all please send me some ideas please i'm begging you please helps me find something that will work so i don;t have to listen to them moan and groan
oh on another note please include my son in your prayers or good thoughts, as of today he is unemployed and is hoping to pick another job up hopefully at that school. i love you all pleaea
oh on another note please include my son in your prayers or good thoughts, as of today he is unemployed and is hoping to pick another job up hopefully at that school. i love you all pleaea
Thursday, June 5, 2008
hey ya all sorry been so long have been pretty down lately and just didn;t feel like blogging much, still having that ear pain and am very dizzy when i stand up which means i lay down ALOT!!!!! but am hoping to get the house cleaned up then i get to have a new reclyner chair. hubby promised me that :D
not up to much same old same old, have talked to a few people, tonight got to talk to fran oh my gosh is she talented , she designed this wonderful shawl, wish i could show ya but that would be wrong without her permission so can brag about it lol
talked to my sister jacqui downin oz, have missed you alot darl, kathy my other sister i sure am trying to make thius project happen, i need to be able to get to the treadmill because once am done at physical therapy i will need to continue otherwise is kind of pointless hahahahahaha, ok i will stop boring you with my life history
the weather here has been so so cold and wet one day damp and wet on another day sunny and warm i give up summer hurry up and come back.
not much else to say here is a few pics of itsy in the jungle as we call it she likes to lay uin the iris beds and snooze and sometimes she curls up so small we can't even see she is in there and one of shadow the rest are some flowers in my back yard.i love rhodsys but they don't last thats the problem,would love a plant that lasted from early spring till late autumn. i know i know good luck right? anyways 9u
not much else to say working on a couple things for my secret pals and have a few things to get together and will be sending out a couple of packages towards the end of the week, oh wait is the end of the week, you who are about to recieve still won't have a clue cause im not telling when i am sending ]either cause then they woulsd gueas
wel ciaio for now at leasi]un
. ithis being a book now has mase
Sunday, May 25, 2008
hey ya all
well here i wanted to wish ya all a happy memorial day, instead i am sitting her sick to my tummy because my jackass doctor decided i didn't need the nausea meds to take with my pain meds. no thanks to him i am not in the hosptial. thankfully the pharmacist showed me some otc for me to take that seems to help some. i sooo can not believe he did that to me, said i took to many, yea jackass cause you frigging TOLD me o double up on them ya idiot. now i am worried about my pain meds, shit if he is being pissy about nausea meds what the frig is he going to do about pain meds if i come in 2 days early? shit i want to just find a new doctor but it wouldn't be so easy and he damn well knows it which is why i can't bitch him out the way i want to cause if i do he will say fine leave i know he already told me thats what he did to someone who was upset with him over this very same thing. but wtf does he not understand that without these meds or some similar to them i am suppose to do i guess he don't care that i get sick to my tummy when i take the pain meds. i made my appointment a couple days early as i had plans for the 2nd which is when i would have had to go insead made for the 30th which is friday i suppose he will bitch about that too although i have enough meds if i am careful, i made he visit a couple days early god forbid he could give me a few extra, he won't increase the strength even though my body is use to them and at this point is pretty much useless as they don; work sigh why are people such pricks. i have been crying all day because of this, tonight had company so had to pretend that nothing was wrong but dad saw thru it anyways and asked me then said he wishes he had not thrown moms away cause i could have had them. sigh
i am worried about him his legs are still swelling and doc wants him to stay off thenm but he won;t says if he can;' at least work in the yard why bother getting up in the morning. i kind of know how he feels i feel like i am just totally worthless as a human being. i depend on my stupid doctor who lets me down, i am a burden to my family even though they say no, i feel like i am sometimes i wish i could just go to sleep and not wake up again, but then thats being selfish and i don't want to be. i mean hell everyone wants me to live this wonderful life i have. don't mind me i am in a pissy mood right now am writing this more for myself than anything, just to let ya know i am fine and would not ever do anything stupid. cause i know my friends would kick my ass if i did. they would drag me back from beyond and torment me right sis i know you would
there i got it out of my system YEA RIGht, but won't talk about it anymore.
today worked in the kitchen the house is slowly coming back from before the collapse. almost everything is out now and now have to work on my stash which robin will be going thru this week and send you before you go to vegas alright? going to send one big box instead of 2 smaller ones less postage that way. tracy have yours already to send had to get the custom forms so now should be able to send out next week i forgot about customs and being a goober head forgot exactly what i had put in the box so had to bring it home and find out (blushing here) so hang in there hon it will soon be on its way. laura will hold yours till you say so but i am glad that you got the looms and the tote bag. hopefully you will like it hon
sis how did logan do after i talked to you, i know rich was going to mcdonalds
did logan eat again? growing boys hehe he is such a sweetie what a darling little boy. your very lucky to have him.
jacqui darl am so sorry have not written back i am a bad person, will try tomorrow or maybe a bit later tonight
fran how are you doing? i bet those babies are running you ragged.
anyways for anyone i didn't say don't mean im not thinking about you. just having my usual brain farts that keep my sanity away.
sending all my love and stupid pet tricks to all of you bewahahahahahahahahahahaha love me
i am worried about him his legs are still swelling and doc wants him to stay off thenm but he won;t says if he can;' at least work in the yard why bother getting up in the morning. i kind of know how he feels i feel like i am just totally worthless as a human being. i depend on my stupid doctor who lets me down, i am a burden to my family even though they say no, i feel like i am sometimes i wish i could just go to sleep and not wake up again, but then thats being selfish and i don't want to be. i mean hell everyone wants me to live this wonderful life i have. don't mind me i am in a pissy mood right now am writing this more for myself than anything, just to let ya know i am fine and would not ever do anything stupid. cause i know my friends would kick my ass if i did. they would drag me back from beyond and torment me right sis i know you would
there i got it out of my system YEA RIGht, but won't talk about it anymore.
today worked in the kitchen the house is slowly coming back from before the collapse. almost everything is out now and now have to work on my stash which robin will be going thru this week and send you before you go to vegas alright? going to send one big box instead of 2 smaller ones less postage that way. tracy have yours already to send had to get the custom forms so now should be able to send out next week i forgot about customs and being a goober head forgot exactly what i had put in the box so had to bring it home and find out (blushing here) so hang in there hon it will soon be on its way. laura will hold yours till you say so but i am glad that you got the looms and the tote bag. hopefully you will like it hon
sis how did logan do after i talked to you, i know rich was going to mcdonalds
did logan eat again? growing boys hehe he is such a sweetie what a darling little boy. your very lucky to have him.
jacqui darl am so sorry have not written back i am a bad person, will try tomorrow or maybe a bit later tonight
fran how are you doing? i bet those babies are running you ragged.
anyways for anyone i didn't say don't mean im not thinking about you. just having my usual brain farts that keep my sanity away.
sending all my love and stupid pet tricks to all of you bewahahahahahahahahahahaha love me
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
can you say awwwwww
this is paints baby isn't he/she adorable, we are thinking of bringing it home for shadow not sure yet but am thinking about it.
life here has been very stressful as i know it is for everyone, some days i don;t even want to get off the love seat i hurt i bad. but i plug along each and every day.
been going to physical therapy but not sure how long am going to keep it up.so far it has cost me 100.00 and i am barely moving, but the ultrasound they have been using is soooo wonderful on my back. debbie my pt is wonderful, she really has a gift and is kind and caring.
been crocheting as much as i can with my hand being messedup. i did a bit of sewing yesterday and finished the levi purse that i had sold to a guy at walmart who was collecting signatures for initatives. other that that same ole same ole.
weather was so hot over the weekend andnow is back in the 40's and damp. nothing is worse for me that what the weather is doing, hotter than a wildfire blazing in july.
then a colder than a day in decemeber lol well maybe not THAT cold, anyways was cool and then today RAIN ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK so bad for my arthritis,
oh well life goes on.
my yard looks so nice, the lilacs and the rhodys are just beautiful. oh gosh they are pretty, we have 3 diff kinds of lilacs, red which is a bright purple, white and blue which is the paler lavender, odd i know but is how it is described. as for the rhodys we have a magnitude of colors we have white ones, red ones, dark purple, brighter purple and white mix,we also have bright bright pink and orange and orangeish red, my next door neighbor has a yellow one i want a yellow one whine whine. lol well my friends am off to try and sleep, not moving so good tonight after therapy so hope i can sleep. god blessyou all and know i love you all goodnight
Monday, May 12, 2008
will it ever end?




so today when i get the mail there is something there from that stupid vet hosptial i took riley too, they waited 2 almost 3 weeks since riley died.WHY? all it did was upset me i swear that they did it on on purpose. alotof my friends said maybe they meant well and maybe they did but i was not impressed. besides the one who treated him didn't even bother to sign it, nice huh? maybe i am wrong , maybe they didn't cause his death but since learning what i have about this place i will never forgive myself for taking him there ever, i truly feel he would be alive if i had taken him to someone who knows what they are doing. riley love mommie misses you, so does shadow
today when i went out to see shadow there was a black cat sitting inside the kennel on the top of it just out of reach for shadow. looked identical to riley and very well may have been his sibling, several days before he died i noticed these cats coming and hanging around the yard, then after riley boy died they stopped until last week when i spotted it coming out of the patio. is so odd and now back today is bothering me big time now. then again i may have been wrong and it was itsy although whn i looked i twice at it it looked alot like riley.but obviously wasn't him
did ya all have a nice mothers day/ mine was alright i suppose, nothing i would write home about. see this is the first mothers day we have bnt had hubbys mom with us, we always suprised her with some kind of plant.so we bought 2 geraniums and put thmon the deck dad had had built for her. before we got there though am getting ahead of myself, as we were leaving i went out the door onto the porch and took a flying nosedive. so now am hurting 4 x's as bad. got to get myself a new pair of shoes or at least learn to pick up my feet, the problem is my legs and feet they have no feeling in them or very little, my legs feel like wooden blocks and feet sometimes have tingles most time just bla nada. anyways enough about my pitiful life
heard from severelof my friends. kari, christine, jean, laura and tonight i got to talk to fran i was so happy as i have not been able to talk to fran to much and she is a sweetheart i have missed her.
want to crochet but kind of hard to right now hope hands heal up fast.
what ya all been up to? having some good times in this nicer weather we are suppose to have. although i feel so bad for the people of the south east with all the tornados and storms it worries me alot. please be safe my friends and those who i love and care about,. you are always in my thoughts
oh did have a awesome dinner for mothers day. we wanted to have dad come over but he wasn't ready to had a hard day too cause of mom so we visited there for a while. when we got home lj had the grill all ready to cook on, then he and hubby made me tenderloin steak, OMG was that the best steaki have had in years was so tender you could cut it with a fork,, gave a few of the scraps for sir shadow and itsy baby and coast,only one who ate them and wanted more were baby and sir shadow. tonight finished them off, made some bbq beans to go with them andhubby and son snarfed, which was fine with me i weasn't all that hungry]so was the perfect amount. was a fewscraps so shadow got them since baby wasnt hungry but was soooo good, the nicest part too was the price i got them almost for a steal. 4.99 a pound for10 pounds or more
doing the summer secret pal swaps at both the ville and the mania, going to send out to my pal on the mania this week at least am hoping to hope ya all have a great week, today had therapy and my pt was upset that i fell said i did alot of damage more than what i had when i first came in so she worked on me today, her name is debbie and let me tell you,she is freaking awesome. today she put my hips back in place ouchy but tonight they are better. sigh whoever said no pain no gain and that really upsets me so i ignore thrm.
talked to my friend tammie she lives in australia and has been through a lot and lost my addy now she has it again wooohooo hope to heard from her again love ya tammie
well am off to bed i think , naw i think i will read first for a while, reading my new nora roberts book the hollow and omgosh is it good so far is the 2nd one of three and cn;t wait to finish it and get the last one thats how great is so try it you can't beat it lol goodnight my friends
kk am headed hdos
Thursday, May 8, 2008
its been a week
a whole long weak filled with sadness and sorrow a long pain filled day for losing you riley. i can;t believe you have been gone a week, tonight at the exact time you died i was sitting in the garage holding shadow and he started whining , he knew you were gone then, he has been so sad without you little one. mommie is worried about him, he isn;'t eatting his food like he always did you know how much he loves food riley, send him some angel love little one and let him know you are still around, i love you riley boy, i miss you soooooooooo much, mommie will never ever forget you. all the time i call your name everyone is getting mad because i will say going to put the boys to bed or i will say your name and i know they are upset cause they will say mom please. i can;t help it darling boy, thats how much i miss you, enjoy your life now filled with happiness and fun chasing birds around and visiting with nana
today was so odd i was out with shadow visitin him and all of a sudden he took off like he use to when you and he was playing . i hope it was you sweetie cause shadow misses you so much.
tonight someone tried to get into my car again, damn fools nothing in there but car, don;t leave anything in there so why would they even try morons.
i don;t know if i am coming or going, one bad thing after another happens and im getting so i can't take anymore, i wish i could say calgon take me away but the sad thing about that is i can hardly even stand up let alone take a bath those who think life is so easy and dont have physical limitations isay more power to ya i wish you could understand buti guess unless you have it you don't i hate to think what would happen to you if you did have physical limits would you be the same ?i doubt it , and i hope you never have to feel what i do.
k enough depressing things, i am at this time designing a baby sweater and hat pattern is my own so there lol
once i perfect it will have it for sale one day . who knows, someone might buy it lol
please pray for my friend nikis and her family they are going thru
some really hard times, they recently lost someone they were really close to . so
please keep them in your thoughts and prayers
yesterday had therapy. walked a whole 1/4 mile. omgosh was i hurting last night , will try for a bit more next week.
got to get this mess out of here and back into the garage so i can stop going to therapy and do my own, i mean all im doing is exercising with heat pack and back rub, can do that here. and it won't cost me as much, got a tread mill just need to use it
on a happppy note i lost 5 pounds woooootttt
how cool is that. am so tired yet can;t sleep for the pain, its getting to me even now. what will i do well i will tell ya will sit up and write really boring blogger posts for you all to read :P
tomorrow sending my friend fran some rosemary starts i hope they work for ya sweetie if not will get them rooted myself, well guess am going to get off here and try and sleep. am sooooo tired
hugs and love to you all may your day be better than it was today
today was so odd i was out with shadow visitin him and all of a sudden he took off like he use to when you and he was playing . i hope it was you sweetie cause shadow misses you so much.
tonight someone tried to get into my car again, damn fools nothing in there but car, don;t leave anything in there so why would they even try morons.
i don;t know if i am coming or going, one bad thing after another happens and im getting so i can't take anymore, i wish i could say calgon take me away but the sad thing about that is i can hardly even stand up let alone take a bath those who think life is so easy and dont have physical limitations isay more power to ya i wish you could understand buti guess unless you have it you don't i hate to think what would happen to you if you did have physical limits would you be the same ?i doubt it , and i hope you never have to feel what i do.
k enough depressing things, i am at this time designing a baby sweater and hat pattern is my own so there lol
once i perfect it will have it for sale one day . who knows, someone might buy it lol
please pray for my friend nikis and her family they are going thru
some really hard times, they recently lost someone they were really close to . so
please keep them in your thoughts and prayers
yesterday had therapy. walked a whole 1/4 mile. omgosh was i hurting last night , will try for a bit more next week.
got to get this mess out of here and back into the garage so i can stop going to therapy and do my own, i mean all im doing is exercising with heat pack and back rub, can do that here. and it won't cost me as much, got a tread mill just need to use it
on a happppy note i lost 5 pounds woooootttt
how cool is that. am so tired yet can;t sleep for the pain, its getting to me even now. what will i do well i will tell ya will sit up and write really boring blogger posts for you all to read :P
tomorrow sending my friend fran some rosemary starts i hope they work for ya sweetie if not will get them rooted myself, well guess am going to get off here and try and sleep. am sooooo tired
hugs and love to you all may your day be better than it was today
Friday, May 2, 2008
we lost riley tonight
my beloved riley is no longer on this earth and is in fact in heaven with his grandma who loves him so much s well all the rest of his grandmas and grandpas and everyone.
this is a dedication to you riley
i remember so well the day you came to live with us, i was not well and daddy was outside chopping wood and said you were a new furbaby to come see how much you looked like itsy. i came outside to see you and there you were sitting there meowing your special little meow you had, think mt lion roar, this was rileys roar.
we tried to dissuade you from coming to live with us. took you out front, you snuck around the back and came in that way,every time we put you in front you snuck back in so we decided any kitty who wanted to live here that bad, then you could stay, when you first came to live with us you got along with everyone, but gradually you chose to tangle with baby and since we couldn't let that happen we seperated you with shadow. you became one of shadows best buddies, he is totally lost without you little one, this big ball of fluff loves you so much he is crying i wiped tearsfrom his eyes tonight he misses you so much
we let ya run with shadow in the yard but watched over you. which is why i can not figure out what happened to you. daddy and i and brother and sister all wanted them to find out why but it cost almost 600.00 600.00 is way out of line for us we don't have that kind of money. i did what i could for you sweetie i took you to the doctor this morning and she said you would be alright, goes and gives you medicine which she said would help you.but you just got sicker this evening and there was nothing more that i could do for you i held you with tears running down my face with love for you as you left this earth and became a kitty angel. now little one you are up there running around playing with the other kittys and are not hurting or sick anymore,
riley what is mommy going to do without you ,i have cried so much my head hurts and my whole body is in pain. riley mommy loves you and i know you can hear me sweetie. i miss you sooo much, this morning when i came to bring ya outside from the garage,i looked for you and your sweet little face, and all i can do now is cry, but what is worse is shadow is lost without you. he won't even eat, keeps smelling the area where you were last night before i took you to th garage to be more comfortable.
i can only thank god that i went out to check you and was at least able to hold you when you left this wicked bad world.if someone did something to you then they will pay riley i swear on my mothers grave that i will hunt them down and hurt them , but i don;t know where to look, maybe you can guide mommy, riley boy i love you with all of my heart and miss you so much, how much more can we take your family is grieving for you. lon is beside himself and so is sis. we will never know riley why you had to die , it will be a mystery for ever but know little one you will never be forgotten ever. i love you riley rest in peace my darling baby boy
please be with grandma she is wait
ing to hold you and pet you once again.
riley i am so sorry i couldn;t do more to help you i tried my best sweetheart i love you riley be happy and free little one
thank you for the little time we were together, and i hope you know how much we all love you. your human brother and sister is devistated and we are all heartbroken. is a nightmare riley that is going on forever. i love and miss you and wish you were here. your loving mommy
Monday, April 21, 2008
sometimes i wonder

ya ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go right? ever since the garage rafters fell down on the car last wendsday,seemed nothing would ever go right and just kept getting worse well today we finally go a break, the genius engineer hubby i have figured out a way to get the rafters off the car,6 hours later of pulling with a rope and nailing a 2x4 repeating this process for hours, ya know the old block and tackle worked for the eygyptians i guess he figured he could make it work for the garage and it did:)but omg am i sore, i can not imagine how much my hubby and son hurt. all i know was i almost didn't make it with my back and luckily the running board on the car was available.that was the good news, the bad news was it showed just how big my big fat butt is.i quickly wiped that area clean bewahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
the damage to the house is more extensive than we first thought and the car is well im heartbroken BUT with enough money(got to sell my stamps or yarn stash or something)i think can maybe,. just maybe be made almost as good as new. the worst damage is to the roof, several large dents are in it not to mention that one is right on a seam, i know you are thinking seam???? but older cars had seams usually around the roof line and the hood here is a seam on this car anyways and whats bad about the roof is a big dent right by where the door opens, flat places are much easier to fix than when ya have a dent on a curve. sigh anyways whats done is done and not all i can do about it but wait for ins adjsuster to contact me which she still has not called even though i reported it last week . guess its not as important to them, they want to get their money fast enough darn people anyway well what will be will be. and no its not a stupid doris day movie, well think im going to try and sleep am hurting so bad and need to try and let my meds work i guess. so until tomorrow be kind to each other, ya never know when your garage rafters are going to fall

Friday, April 18, 2008
bad news
looks like more than what we thought is damaged, please think good thoughts and prayers everything is covered, i am heartsick, just want to throw in the towel for good.someone please tell fate to be kind to me:P hugs and love vicki
life is a bitch sometimes
ya know how sometimes ya feel like just throwing in the towel, like giving all your crap away and ride off into the sunset? thats about how i feel right now. we have had one bad thing after another happen to us and i can't take any more. 2 days ago hubby and i were sitting down to dinner, talking , laughing , enjoying a rare moment when we are not fighting. when we heard this god awful roar and then crash, my first thought was oh no please god not the car. we have a old car we are restoring and was almost done with it. getting it ready to sell so maybe could pay bills off and then retire if i could find any decent medical that would pay for my medicine. well all hell broke loose cause you got it was the car, not only the car was what happened to the car which killed me. the whole damn rafters fell on top of the car . we keep our christmas stuff up there ect. alot of smaller things and this has been this way for over 25 years. well called the ins company , bad news car is NOT insured , and you know why its not? cause i am to stupid to think they might not cover it since is up on jackstands and is not operable, but that don;'t matter no sir , uh uh , but it would have been if i had put comprension on it for 30 frigging dollars for 6 months, i am heart sick i feel like i have had my heart ripped out and stomped all over it.
how do i tell my husband who loved that car for all he is worth that it would have been fixed for 30 f**king dollars.. how please tell me how i do that. he at first went physco and blamed me for all the crap up there , but then realized what he was doing and apologized. i am sick, just sick, he said will cost around 10K to fix damage to the roof the hood and god knows what else. all told though it stood up pretty damn good, shows ya that cars in america USE to be made of strong steel, not the shit they have now. now waiting on the adjuster to call to tell me if the structure is covered. is going to cost plenty to fix this too, going to have to rip out sheet rock. buy lumbar, hell i might as well walk away for all the crap we have to do. i am so sick to my stomach i want to throw up. im leaving it up to god, life right now is more than i can bear.
therapy is kicking my butt and only making things worse so will have to wait and see only been once so will see. sig my pt is awesome but she will have to let me go at my own pace and she said she will of course. that my friend is a good therapist. doing the stretches she wants me to do kill me and i hurt so bad afterwards but she said i need to do them to losen up my back and butt. is there ever a end to bad luck? can i ever look forward to having one little single day of happiness without pain and suffering and stress, is that to much to ask of anyone, why does this keep happening, why is life so unkind. what did i do to deserve this, i must be a bad person is all i can think of. someone somewhere has my name on a bullseye and is throwing poison darts at me. i guess maybe if i sell most of my possesions i can raise enough money to pay to have the car fixed. hubby said probably 10K worth of damage . i figure if i sell my stamp collection daddy gave me maybe will raise half that maybe will see thanks for listening to me rant away i am so out of it am not sure if i am even of i will make it to the next day let alone hour. got to stop it just has to thanks for bein here for me, without ya all not sure if i could go on. love ya all
how do i tell my husband who loved that car for all he is worth that it would have been fixed for 30 f**king dollars.. how please tell me how i do that. he at first went physco and blamed me for all the crap up there , but then realized what he was doing and apologized. i am sick, just sick, he said will cost around 10K to fix damage to the roof the hood and god knows what else. all told though it stood up pretty damn good, shows ya that cars in america USE to be made of strong steel, not the shit they have now. now waiting on the adjuster to call to tell me if the structure is covered. is going to cost plenty to fix this too, going to have to rip out sheet rock. buy lumbar, hell i might as well walk away for all the crap we have to do. i am so sick to my stomach i want to throw up. im leaving it up to god, life right now is more than i can bear.
therapy is kicking my butt and only making things worse so will have to wait and see only been once so will see. sig my pt is awesome but she will have to let me go at my own pace and she said she will of course. that my friend is a good therapist. doing the stretches she wants me to do kill me and i hurt so bad afterwards but she said i need to do them to losen up my back and butt. is there ever a end to bad luck? can i ever look forward to having one little single day of happiness without pain and suffering and stress, is that to much to ask of anyone, why does this keep happening, why is life so unkind. what did i do to deserve this, i must be a bad person is all i can think of. someone somewhere has my name on a bullseye and is throwing poison darts at me. i guess maybe if i sell most of my possesions i can raise enough money to pay to have the car fixed. hubby said probably 10K worth of damage . i figure if i sell my stamp collection daddy gave me maybe will raise half that maybe will see thanks for listening to me rant away i am so out of it am not sure if i am even of i will make it to the next day let alone hour. got to stop it just has to thanks for bein here for me, without ya all not sure if i could go on. love ya all
Sunday, April 13, 2008
hey ya all
been a while i know sorry, things have not been all that great it i guess i figured was better to say nothing than bitch all the time about how i feel, right now am feeling like a total failure , yesterday(the 11th actually) was my daughters birthday and i so let her down, i couldn't even bake the cake i have made for her every single year since she was 1 year old. i know she said it was alright but dammit it is NOT alright,totally frigging sucks why does this pain have to kick me in the ass so bad
went to the doc early last week as i couldnt stand the horrible pain and was asking for some help. meaning i needed something more for pain, well what i got was not the thing was asking for at all what i got was more physical therapy. mind you it has its place but i also remember the disticnt feeling of PAIN!!! although the gal who worked on me in the past told me if its hurting you so you are feeling worse is moving to fast and time to slow it down, a far cry from the clinic where i had gone before this one where the therapists attitude was no pain, no gain. something which she had the balls to say to me, omg that pissed me off.i walked out and never went back was a bunch of bs. my doctor said he is wondering if i don't have fibromyalgia . i sure have the symptoms of it one thing which is bothering me is alot of tightness around my face. first i thought was related to sinus but the doc don't think so, and now i am wondering myself, have beem taking sinus meds and isn;t making any diff so am wondering. sigh guess this is turning into a pity whine. never mind it and tell me how you all are.
on a positive note my friend melissa who is another member of crochtville.org who was my secretpal has agreed to make me a web page so i can sell my stuff online. am also working on writing up my patterns for sale. got to dosomething and i would rather make something out of my creations and put them to good work. well am off since i have to sleep if i can. no even now i hurt ,am damn sick of it snd i just want it tired of it and life treating me this way,all in all though could be worse bye for now and thanks for reading this novel please keep being my friend i love you all
went to the doc early last week as i couldnt stand the horrible pain and was asking for some help. meaning i needed something more for pain, well what i got was not the thing was asking for at all what i got was more physical therapy. mind you it has its place but i also remember the disticnt feeling of PAIN!!! although the gal who worked on me in the past told me if its hurting you so you are feeling worse is moving to fast and time to slow it down, a far cry from the clinic where i had gone before this one where the therapists attitude was no pain, no gain. something which she had the balls to say to me, omg that pissed me off.i walked out and never went back was a bunch of bs. my doctor said he is wondering if i don't have fibromyalgia . i sure have the symptoms of it one thing which is bothering me is alot of tightness around my face. first i thought was related to sinus but the doc don't think so, and now i am wondering myself, have beem taking sinus meds and isn;t making any diff so am wondering. sigh guess this is turning into a pity whine. never mind it and tell me how you all are.
on a positive note my friend melissa who is another member of crochtville.org who was my secretpal has agreed to make me a web page so i can sell my stuff online. am also working on writing up my patterns for sale. got to dosomething and i would rather make something out of my creations and put them to good work. well am off since i have to sleep if i can. no even now i hurt ,am damn sick of it snd i just want it tired of it and life treating me this way,all in all though could be worse bye for now and thanks for reading this novel please keep being my friend i love you all
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
tuesdays follies
well today was one of those days, one of those ick days, i worked so hard in my house and no one appreicated it at all in fact was asked what i did all day. GIMME a BREAK i could not believe how my husband acted. since his mother died he has been so different. i mean i have been with him for over 36 years and he just is not the man i met and fell in love with, granted 35 years is not when ya all act like first love, but there is so much tension and stress in my house is breaking my heart and our marriage apart.is there any hope that he will get better. i feel he is depressed but all he does is deny it and say he is fine
guess i can't make him change but sure is sad that things have reached the point i am thinking of leaving
so besides working today i had to break up a fight between shadow and riley, riley started one and shadow started one. darn cats
thursday riley is going to go to the vets for a little life changing operation. yup he is getting snipped. he won't like it one bit, but i found out the vet has a post op pain shot he can have so he is going to get that even though it cost 17.00
i am so glad they have this for animals now, when baby had her surgery they didn't give anything and she was crying from the pain. but now thank god they realie animals have feelings too and pain is just as bad for them as humans but they don;t understand what is going on.
when he comes home thursday night will keep him seperated from shadow. he won't feel like tussling im sure.
the worst part for him is no food or water after 7 pm tomorrow night
eeeek. but is the way it has to be
today got the cutest ecard from lori carlson aka the shrone. boy lori was i trying to get those spiders and couldn't for the life of me make that hammer move to hit those spiders. got me good you lol was cute thanks so much
got a square yesterday for a friend who has had a tragedy in her life, and alot more coming. boy let me tell you any of you who is helping me make this for our friend , well lets just say you guys are the BEST
i joined a couple more yahoo groups one is A girl can never have to many handbags all running together lol is a fun place to visit and also joined another one with some friends. will post the addy later after asking if its alright.
i met a new friend in pet smart yesterday. it came about quite odd, we were both getting friskie canned cat food for our furkids, i had asked her to move cause she was blocking the chicken and tuna, she moved of course(i asked nicely of course) and when she saw what i had picked out and said i can't have anything with fish in my house it bothers my daughter. i said oh do you live with her
and she said no she lived in her own home but her 43 year old daughter lived with her in HER home. to say i was shocked was a gnat on a bears butt. and of course being the sweet sensitive kind of person i looked at her and said ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i was so shocked at this woman literly telling her mother what she could or could not do, we talked a bit more and she was so sad and almost crying so i asked her if it was alright if i gave her a hug. this womans daughter needs to grow up . and i hope my friend jan gets enough nerve to tell her its her house, needless to say i now have a new friend and maybe even after we talk a bit more we can go out to lunch at ivars which is fish and chips or even skippers lol
where does one draw the line.in my house my kids live here but is not their home forever but while they are here i request and demand respect and for them to follow some very basic guidelines. and while occasionally we have a spat or 2 do to the fact my dd is a adult and has her own mind and don;t like me telling her what to do, she lives here so therefor she follows the rules(mostof the time, those times she don;t she hears about it from me)
and since they are both working i require them to help with grocerys and bills i do not charge rent but i do ask for a bit of help and it seems to be working.
am working on a bunch of things right now and am making my sp something special i hope she likes it got a couple more things to do also for her and then will send the reveal package i hope she dont know who i am yet :D
weather is odd but typical spring cold damp and the occasionaly stray snow flake or hail stone. and of course ever present sunshine
my magnolia tree is getting ready to bloom and what amazes me is the fact that a small piece of it had broken off so i stuck it in the pot of my old marigolds. amazing enough it is going to bloomfrom that stick in the pot. wow wouldn'tthat be cool thatit grew from a small stick to a new tree? same with the camelia bush way cool
well am off to snooze land as i have to be up early tomorrow in the wee hours of around 6:30 to 7:00 am to take fil to the doc for another stupid test. gosh i feel bad for him he is now battling all this sickness and things and all the time mom was alive he took care of her and was not sick at all please keep him in your thoughts and prayers . well am off to snoozeeeeeeeeeeee land till tomorrow ciao
guess i can't make him change but sure is sad that things have reached the point i am thinking of leaving
so besides working today i had to break up a fight between shadow and riley, riley started one and shadow started one. darn cats
thursday riley is going to go to the vets for a little life changing operation. yup he is getting snipped. he won't like it one bit, but i found out the vet has a post op pain shot he can have so he is going to get that even though it cost 17.00
i am so glad they have this for animals now, when baby had her surgery they didn't give anything and she was crying from the pain. but now thank god they realie animals have feelings too and pain is just as bad for them as humans but they don;t understand what is going on.
when he comes home thursday night will keep him seperated from shadow. he won't feel like tussling im sure.
the worst part for him is no food or water after 7 pm tomorrow night
eeeek. but is the way it has to be
today got the cutest ecard from lori carlson aka the shrone. boy lori was i trying to get those spiders and couldn't for the life of me make that hammer move to hit those spiders. got me good you lol was cute thanks so much
got a square yesterday for a friend who has had a tragedy in her life, and alot more coming. boy let me tell you any of you who is helping me make this for our friend , well lets just say you guys are the BEST
i joined a couple more yahoo groups one is A girl can never have to many handbags all running together lol is a fun place to visit and also joined another one with some friends. will post the addy later after asking if its alright.
i met a new friend in pet smart yesterday. it came about quite odd, we were both getting friskie canned cat food for our furkids, i had asked her to move cause she was blocking the chicken and tuna, she moved of course(i asked nicely of course) and when she saw what i had picked out and said i can't have anything with fish in my house it bothers my daughter. i said oh do you live with her
and she said no she lived in her own home but her 43 year old daughter lived with her in HER home. to say i was shocked was a gnat on a bears butt. and of course being the sweet sensitive kind of person i looked at her and said ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i was so shocked at this woman literly telling her mother what she could or could not do, we talked a bit more and she was so sad and almost crying so i asked her if it was alright if i gave her a hug. this womans daughter needs to grow up . and i hope my friend jan gets enough nerve to tell her its her house, needless to say i now have a new friend and maybe even after we talk a bit more we can go out to lunch at ivars which is fish and chips or even skippers lol
where does one draw the line.in my house my kids live here but is not their home forever but while they are here i request and demand respect and for them to follow some very basic guidelines. and while occasionally we have a spat or 2 do to the fact my dd is a adult and has her own mind and don;t like me telling her what to do, she lives here so therefor she follows the rules(mostof the time, those times she don;t she hears about it from me)
and since they are both working i require them to help with grocerys and bills i do not charge rent but i do ask for a bit of help and it seems to be working.
am working on a bunch of things right now and am making my sp something special i hope she likes it got a couple more things to do also for her and then will send the reveal package i hope she dont know who i am yet :D
weather is odd but typical spring cold damp and the occasionaly stray snow flake or hail stone. and of course ever present sunshine
my magnolia tree is getting ready to bloom and what amazes me is the fact that a small piece of it had broken off so i stuck it in the pot of my old marigolds. amazing enough it is going to bloomfrom that stick in the pot. wow wouldn'tthat be cool thatit grew from a small stick to a new tree? same with the camelia bush way cool
well am off to snooze land as i have to be up early tomorrow in the wee hours of around 6:30 to 7:00 am to take fil to the doc for another stupid test. gosh i feel bad for him he is now battling all this sickness and things and all the time mom was alive he took care of her and was not sick at all please keep him in your thoughts and prayers . well am off to snoozeeeeeeeeeeee land till tomorrow ciao
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)