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well i had posted a nice long posting about alot of things and somehow i deleted it, don't ask me how i don't know, all i know is its gone and i am pissed, so i guess instead of that posting you get this cruddy small pathetic one. NOT i will redo as i always can,


it started like this,

for dinner we had potatoes, with garden fresh peppers and onions in our fried potatoes, talk about yummmm lol, we also had bbq chicken and corn with fresh home made biscuits to go with it, was good eatting

today was kind of a hard day for me. lots of stress as this is not a great time for me, i am hurting more and i know that that isn't gonna change for the better(if it did would be awesome but not holding my breath) but tonight i broke down for the first time since the funeral. i don;t know what caused it other than i was stressed out and not feeling really good, that and the fact i miss mom so darn much i want to cry now but won't
cause all that would do is make my nose all stuffy and its almost bed time for me so don't need that. :P

things lately have been more stressful than normal, not sure why, just are for some reason. some people think they know everything and tell me how i should do this for instance my aunt, i had not seen her for a few months as she has been traveling since uncle richard died the same day as my mom, but i had some extra diabetic supplies that m,y other uncle could use so figured why not give them to him instead of throwing them away, that was what dad wanted, well anyways we are sitting there talking when she asked me what i take for my pain, i told her what i take and she about thru a fit, said i have to get off that crap amd not take that as it will kill my liver and kidneys(i am well aware of the risks of the meds i take) but she would not let it go, just kept harping on the dangers until i finally politely said i realize that but i have to be able to function and since this meds are the only ones which work to help me thats what i have to take and could we please change the subject. she wouldnt so i ended up leaving, my cousin drove in jut as i was leaving and she could see how upset i was, she asked what was wrong and i told her nothing, just her mom and i had a discussion that upset me, she knew exactly what it was cause she had been harping at her about me previously, she told me to not let her bother me as it wasn't her place to tell me what i should or could take to get rid of some of the pain.

why is it people think they know everything, gad if i did that i would be such a jerk and alot of people are jerks, why tell someone that they know this or that when in actual fact they don't have a clue. as like with my aunt. so anyways thats part of my stress, most of it is the pain itself and nothing i can do about that.i am going to talk to the doc about increasing my breakthru meds from what i have now, as they are not doing the job and while he may not want to, i can at least ask.

i talked to my baby sis earlier this week and she was not feeling to good as she had a abcess tooth and she went thru hell trying to get some pain meds to help with it. my lil sis takes alot of meds for her back too, she was injured when her land ladys pit bull lunged at her and she fell hitting her tail bone and back on a cement block which messed it up for her. she has 2 herniated discs and sciatica, neuropathy like me, but she isn';t where i am as far as having had surgery, she is at this time refusing after seeing what a crap job my first doctor did, if he had only admitted it didn't fuse then maybe things would be different but nope not his way the pompass ass......., anyways back to lil sis, she had asked the dentist for some pain meds as the ones she had didn't touch the pain,. he gave her a few percocets i believe it was 16, at 4 xs a day from wendsday till sat, well guess what it still hurts like a mother and now no meds
so on monday she sees the oral surgeon who is not going to do the work but is filling in for the othr dentist. when she asked for some pain meds he went thru the roof, said he wasn;t going to add any more medicine to someone who takes so much. bloody idiots, thank god she called her pain specialist and they took care of it for her, people are so stupid they think all pain meds are horriible for you, one day is all i ask that they walk in our shoes, one day you can bet your butt they would change their minds.

anyways now to a happy thing, today in the mail got this awesome package from arizona where my swap partner lives, she sent me some fantastic stuff, first off she sent me a knitting/crocheting tote to help me orginize my yarn and stuff, then she also sent me 6 skeins of a rug yarn tht she said i could also use as a tote bag which i m thinking about, she alsosent m,e 4 skeins od knitpicks cotton yarn OMGOSH i have wanted to try this for soooooooooo long thank you thank you thank you,. its so not enough but all i can say, she also included 2 skeins of bernat cotton and 2 skeins of cotton ease. in a pretty shade of blue, also included in this awesome bag was a tube of bath and body works yummy vanilla body lotion. how did she know i was eyeing that one' :D:D:D:D:D, and last but certainly not least she sent m,e a wonderful wooden crochet hook, made by G3 studios. its just beautiful, she said is a G hook but it looks like a F hook, either way is beautiful.


well before i screw this posting up some more.


kari and jacqui, i love you guys, thanks for being here for me during all this stressful time. tonight i just broke down and cried and cried, shadow couldn;t stand it and came over and proceded to groom ME!!!!!now i am all clean via kitty tounge i am not kidding you, silly boy he knew i needed someone to lean on and he was just there. after about 15 min i felt better. the rest of the night i jut held it in , not healthy i know, but i can;t let go in front of hubby or kids. altough i know i bad for my health, last visit at the docs my bp was 180is over 120is, wayy high but when i told the doc about mom and uncle dominic he understood. so now am hoping this month is alot lower

hubby is talking about taking a trip to reno just him and i , maybe that will bring some spark to our marriage, been getting pretty bad. nothing is going right, i am sad that after all these years something like my back problems is going to end it for us. but i wil do my best to save it, part of the problem is me i am sure and also him. we seem to have lost the spark somewhere along the line, i think a lot of it is because he can't retire, and he is tired of working, been doing the same job almost 40 years, but again what can i do, no ins will pay for my med.s in full only at 50% and since my meds cost over 2200 a month it aint happeneing baby :P so anyways about the trip will see if i can make it i know i can make it 333 miles although i was dyig most of the way, the bad part of this is i don't have the meds am getting low, but am gonna try if thats what he wants to do.

well am off to bed as it is after 2 am and i am tired and need my sleep, a special thank you to my 2 friends kari and jacqui, i love you guys, take care of yourselves too alright? please jacqui
don't worry about the mo, it will get paid for and besides that gives me more time to fill the box up and spoil; you. ciao see ya later my friends godspeed and will cya later, love ya all and god bless