Sunday, May 25, 2008

hey ya all

well here i wanted to wish ya all a happy memorial day, instead i am sitting her sick to my tummy because my jackass doctor decided i didn't need the nausea meds to take with my pain meds. no thanks to him i am not in the hosptial. thankfully the pharmacist showed me some otc for me to take that seems to help some. i sooo can not believe he did that to me, said i took to many, yea jackass cause you frigging TOLD me o double up on them ya idiot. now i am worried about my pain meds, shit if he is being pissy about nausea meds what the frig is he going to do about pain meds if i come in 2 days early? shit i want to just find a new doctor but it wouldn't be so easy and he damn well knows it which is why i can't bitch him out the way i want to cause if i do he will say fine leave i know he already told me thats what he did to someone who was upset with him over this very same thing. but wtf does he not understand that without these meds or some similar to them i am suppose to do i guess he don't care that i get sick to my tummy when i take the pain meds. i made my appointment a couple days early as i had plans for the 2nd which is when i would have had to go insead made for the 30th which is friday i suppose he will bitch about that too although i have enough meds if i am careful, i made he visit a couple days early god forbid he could give me a few extra, he won't increase the strength even though my body is use to them and at this point is pretty much useless as they don; work sigh why are people such pricks. i have been crying all day because of this, tonight had company so had to pretend that nothing was wrong but dad saw thru it anyways and asked me then said he wishes he had not thrown moms away cause i could have had them. sigh

i am worried about him his legs are still swelling and doc wants him to stay off thenm but he won;t says if he can;' at least work in the yard why bother getting up in the morning. i kind of know how he feels i feel like i am just totally worthless as a human being. i depend on my stupid doctor who lets me down, i am a burden to my family even though they say no, i feel like i am sometimes i wish i could just go to sleep and not wake up again, but then thats being selfish and i don't want to be. i mean hell everyone wants me to live this wonderful life i have. don't mind me i am in a pissy mood right now am writing this more for myself than anything, just to let ya know i am fine and would not ever do anything stupid. cause i know my friends would kick my ass if i did. they would drag me back from beyond and torment me right sis i know you would

there i got it out of my system YEA RIGht, but won't talk about it anymore.

today worked in the kitchen the house is slowly coming back from before the collapse. almost everything is out now and now have to work on my stash which robin will be going thru this week and send you before you go to vegas alright? going to send one big box instead of 2 smaller ones less postage that way. tracy have yours already to send had to get the custom forms so now should be able to send out next week i forgot about customs and being a goober head forgot exactly what i had put in the box so had to bring it home and find out (blushing here) so hang in there hon it will soon be on its way. laura will hold yours till you say so but i am glad that you got the looms and the tote bag. hopefully you will like it hon

sis how did logan do after i talked to you, i know rich was going to mcdonalds

did logan eat again? growing boys hehe he is such a sweetie what a darling little boy. your very lucky to have him.

jacqui darl am so sorry have not written back i am a bad person, will try tomorrow or maybe a bit later tonight

fran how are you doing? i bet those babies are running you ragged.

anyways for anyone i didn't say don't mean im not thinking about you. just having my usual brain farts that keep my sanity away.

sending all my love and stupid pet tricks to all of you bewahahahahahahahahahahaha love me

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

can you say awwwwww

this is paints baby isn't he/she adorable, we are thinking of bringing it home for shadow not sure yet but am thinking about it.

life here has been very stressful as i know it is for everyone, some days i don;t even want to get off the love seat i hurt i bad. but i plug along each and every day.

been going to physical therapy but not sure how long am going to keep it far it has cost me 100.00 and i am barely moving, but the ultrasound they have been using is soooo wonderful on my back. debbie my pt is wonderful, she really has a gift and is kind and caring.

been crocheting as much as i can with my hand being messedup. i did a bit of sewing yesterday and finished the levi purse that i had sold to a guy at walmart who was collecting signatures for initatives. other that that same ole same ole.

weather was so hot over the weekend andnow is back in the 40's and damp. nothing is worse for me that what the weather is doing, hotter than a wildfire blazing in july.

then a colder than a day in decemeber lol well maybe not THAT cold, anyways was cool and then today RAIN ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK so bad for my arthritis,

oh well life goes on.

my yard looks so nice, the lilacs and the rhodys are just beautiful. oh gosh they are pretty, we have 3 diff kinds of lilacs, red which is a bright purple, white and blue which is the paler lavender, odd i know but is how it is described. as for the rhodys we have a magnitude of colors we have white ones, red ones, dark purple, brighter purple and white mix,we also have bright bright pink and orange and orangeish red, my next door neighbor has a yellow one i want a yellow one whine whine. lol well my friends am off to try and sleep, not moving so good tonight after therapy so hope i can sleep. god blessyou all and know i love you all goodnight

Monday, May 12, 2008

will it ever end?

so today when i get the mail there is something there from that stupid vet hosptial i took riley too, they waited 2 almost 3 weeks since riley died.WHY? all it did was upset me i swear that they did it on on purpose. alotof my friends said maybe they meant well and maybe they did but i was not impressed. besides the one who treated him didn't even bother to sign it, nice huh? maybe i am wrong , maybe they didn't cause his death but since learning what i have about this place i will never forgive myself for taking him there ever, i truly feel he would be alive if i had taken him to someone who knows what they are doing. riley love mommie misses you, so does shadow

today when i went out to see shadow there was a black cat sitting inside the kennel on the top of it just out of reach for shadow. looked identical to riley and very well may have been his sibling, several days before he died i noticed these cats coming and hanging around the yard, then after riley boy died they stopped until last week when i spotted it coming out of the patio. is so odd and now back today is bothering me big time now. then again i may have been wrong and it was itsy although whn i looked i twice at it it looked alot like riley.but obviously wasn't him

did ya all have a nice mothers day/ mine was alright i suppose, nothing i would write home about. see this is the first mothers day we have bnt had hubbys mom with us, we always suprised her with some kind of we bought 2 geraniums and put thmon the deck dad had had built for her. before we got there though am getting ahead of myself, as we were leaving i went out the door onto the porch and took a flying nosedive. so now am hurting 4 x's as bad. got to get myself a new pair of shoes or at least learn to pick up my feet, the problem is my legs and feet they have no feeling in them or very little, my legs feel like wooden blocks and feet sometimes have tingles most time just bla nada. anyways enough about my pitiful life

heard from severelof my friends. kari, christine, jean, laura and tonight i got to talk to fran i was so happy as i have not been able to talk to fran to much and she is a sweetheart i have missed her.

want to crochet but kind of hard to right now hope hands heal up fast.

what ya all been up to? having some good times in this nicer weather we are suppose to have. although i feel so bad for the people of the south east with all the tornados and storms it worries me alot. please be safe my friends and those who i love and care about,. you are always in my thoughts

oh did have a awesome dinner for mothers day. we wanted to have dad come over but he wasn't ready to had a hard day too cause of mom so we visited there for a while. when we got home lj had the grill all ready to cook on, then he and hubby made me tenderloin steak, OMG was that the best steaki have had in years was so tender you could cut it with a fork,, gave a few of the scraps for sir shadow and itsy baby and coast,only one who ate them and wanted more were baby and sir shadow. tonight finished them off, made some bbq beans to go with them andhubby and son snarfed, which was fine with me i weasn't all that hungry]so was the perfect amount. was a fewscraps so shadow got them since baby wasnt hungry but was soooo good, the nicest part too was the price i got them almost for a steal. 4.99 a pound for10 pounds or more

doing the summer secret pal swaps at both the ville and the mania, going to send out to my pal on the mania this week at least am hoping to hope ya all have a great week, today had therapy and my pt was upset that i fell said i did alot of damage more than what i had when i first came in so she worked on me today, her name is debbie and let me tell you,she is freaking awesome. today she put my hips back in place ouchy but tonight they are better. sigh whoever said no pain no gain and that really upsets me so i ignore thrm.

talked to my friend tammie she lives in australia and has been through a lot and lost my addy now she has it again wooohooo hope to heard from her again love ya tammie
well am off to bed i think , naw i think i will read first for a while, reading my new nora roberts book the hollow and omgosh is it good so far is the 2nd one of three and cn;t wait to finish it and get the last one thats how great is so try it you can't beat it lol goodnight my friends

kk am headed hdos

Thursday, May 8, 2008

its been a week

a whole long weak filled with sadness and sorrow a long pain filled day for losing you riley. i can;t believe you have been gone a week, tonight at the exact time you died i was sitting in the garage holding shadow and he started whining , he knew you were gone then, he has been so sad without you little one. mommie is worried about him, he isn;'t eatting his food like he always did you know how much he loves food riley, send him some angel love little one and let him know you are still around, i love you riley boy, i miss you soooooooooo much, mommie will never ever forget you. all the time i call your name everyone is getting mad because i will say going to put the boys to bed or i will say your name and i know they are upset cause they will say mom please. i can;t help it darling boy, thats how much i miss you, enjoy your life now filled with happiness and fun chasing birds around and visiting with nana

today was so odd i was out with shadow visitin him and all of a sudden he took off like he use to when you and he was playing . i hope it was you sweetie cause shadow misses you so much.

tonight someone tried to get into my car again, damn fools nothing in there but car, don;t leave anything in there so why would they even try morons.

i don;t know if i am coming or going, one bad thing after another happens and im getting so i can't take anymore, i wish i could say calgon take me away but the sad thing about that is i can hardly even stand up let alone take a bath those who think life is so easy and dont have physical limitations isay more power to ya i wish you could understand buti guess unless you have it you don't i hate to think what would happen to you if you did have physical limits would you be the same ?i doubt it , and i hope you never have to feel what i do.

k enough depressing things, i am at this time designing a baby sweater and hat pattern is my own so there lol
once i perfect it will have it for sale one day . who knows, someone might buy it lol

please pray for my friend nikis and her family they are going thru
some really hard times, they recently lost someone they were really close to . so
please keep them in your thoughts and prayers

yesterday had therapy. walked a whole 1/4 mile. omgosh was i hurting last night , will try for a bit more next week.

got to get this mess out of here and back into the garage so i can stop going to therapy and do my own, i mean all im doing is exercising with heat pack and back rub, can do that here. and it won't cost me as much, got a tread mill just need to use it

on a happppy note i lost 5 pounds woooootttt
how cool is that. am so tired yet can;t sleep for the pain, its getting to me even now. what will i do well i will tell ya will sit up and write really boring blogger posts for you all to read :P

tomorrow sending my friend fran some rosemary starts i hope they work for ya sweetie if not will get them rooted myself, well guess am going to get off here and try and sleep. am sooooo tired
hugs and love to you all may your day be better than it was today

Friday, May 2, 2008

we lost riley tonight

my beloved riley is no longer on this earth and is in fact in heaven with his grandma who loves him so much s well all the rest of his grandmas and grandpas and everyone.

this is a dedication to you riley

i remember so well the day you came to live with us, i was not well and daddy was outside chopping wood and said you were a new furbaby to come see how much you looked like itsy. i came outside to see you and there you were sitting there meowing your special little meow you had, think mt lion roar, this was rileys roar.

we tried to dissuade you from coming to live with us. took you out front, you snuck around the back and came in that way,every time we put you in front you snuck back in so we decided any kitty who wanted to live here that bad, then you could stay, when you first came to live with us you got along with everyone, but gradually you chose to tangle with baby and since we couldn't let that happen we seperated you with shadow. you became one of shadows best buddies, he is totally lost without you little one, this big ball of fluff loves you so much he is crying i wiped tearsfrom his eyes tonight he misses you so much

we let ya run with shadow in the yard but watched over you. which is why i can not figure out what happened to you. daddy and i and brother and sister all wanted them to find out why but it cost almost 600.00 600.00 is way out of line for us we don't have that kind of money. i did what i could for you sweetie i took you to the doctor this morning and she said you would be alright, goes and gives you medicine which she said would help you.but you just got sicker this evening and there was nothing more that i could do for you i held you with tears running down my face with love for you as you left this earth and became a kitty angel. now little one you are up there running around playing with the other kittys and are not hurting or sick anymore,

riley what is mommy going to do without you ,i have cried so much my head hurts and my whole body is in pain. riley mommy loves you and i know you can hear me sweetie. i miss you sooo much, this morning when i came to bring ya outside from the garage,i looked for you and your sweet little face, and all i can do now is cry, but what is worse is shadow is lost without you. he won't even eat, keeps smelling the area where you were last night before i took you to th garage to be more comfortable.

i can only thank god that i went out to check you and was at least able to hold you when you left this wicked bad world.if someone did something to you then they will pay riley i swear on my mothers grave that i will hunt them down and hurt them , but i don;t know where to look, maybe you can guide mommy, riley boy i love you with all of my heart and miss you so much, how much more can we take your family is grieving for you. lon is beside himself and so is sis. we will never know riley why you had to die , it will be a mystery for ever but know little one you will never be forgotten ever. i love you riley rest in peace my darling baby boy

please be with grandma she is wait

ing to hold you and pet you once again.

riley i am so sorry i couldn;t do more to help you i tried my best sweetheart i love you riley be happy and free little one
thank you for the little time we were together, and i hope you know how much we all love you. your human brother and sister is devistated and we are all heartbroken. is a nightmare riley that is going on forever. i love and miss you and wish you were here. your loving mommy

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